the future generation of world leaders...

I'm also blind,but very independent and in school I'm looking for a female from the age range of 21-35 hopefully you are sweet and genuine .I'm not shallow but would prefer a picture, physical attraction is of human nature!!
(uh... if you are blind, then what good would sending a PICTURE do?)

41 male curious about having sex with a Midget. This is not a joke!
(uh... THIS is what happens when we live in an overly-promiscuous society. And for the record, I think they hate being called midgets.... don't they?)

M passed this one and the commentary along... HAHA!
Ladies....it's Thursday, and this 47 year old male....witty, personable, charming, intelligent, attractive in a "weird uncle" sort of way....yet hardly any ego at all.........would like to share a cup of coffee (or insert beverage of your choice) with you.......this evening.
(First of all, define "weird uncle." Next, what is the beverage of choice for someone who is 47? Metamucil?)

M also passed this one along...
Not only must you like dogs and be available to walk mine, but you must also like to cook and clean and keep a home in order. I prefer you to be cute, no taller than 5'5", college educated and in a career with no baggage attached. You must be friendly and out-going and looking for an opportunity of a lifetime to cohabitate with the dog and I with no strings attached. Hell, if we hit it off, who knows what the future will hold, but I can promise you one thing, we ain't getting married!
Final note, you must also like to ride on Harley Davidson's and look good when riding on ours. We will want to take you out riding when time permits... Again, no strings attached, the dog and I just want you to look good and not be a conniving bitch to our friends let alone us!!
If you are a bitch, no need to apply as we already have one of those, an ex-wife.
(He's awfully picky for someone with a) enough baggage to load a plane, and b) a desire to have no strings attached...M was right - WHY was this posted in the men SEEKING women section?)

HAHA! M found a whole bunch of jewels in Nebraska CL.
I moved to town a couple months ago and haven't had time for anything but work. The apartment is a mess, there's nothing in the fridge and my love life is non existent. So a coworker told me about Craigslist.
I just don't know any one here and there aren't enough hours in the day. In exchange for your friendship and help around the house... CHEAP RENT...
(Let's try this again. Post ONE post in the men seeking women section for a girlfriend. Post ONE post in the "help wanted" section for a fucking maid. And post a THIRD post in that same section looking for someone to grocery shop for you.)

Then, in another post of the gentleman's above, he repeated all the same requirements, but said...
In exchange for the help and companionship... Free rent...
(Good Christ. If you listen, you can almost hear his desperation ramp up.!)

I'm realy no good at this kind of thing but here goes nothin. I'm a single 26 y/o male looking for somone to spend the rest of my life with. I have been through alot in my life. I am a cancer survivor and that is only a part of what I have been through. I want to find somone to spend the rest of my life with but I have been hurt so many times that I am afraid to get to close to somone and get hurt again. I need somone who can be patient with me and help me crack open my shell.
(Damaged goods seeking woman who will put up with the bullshit he is entitled to trot out because he was a victim of life... anyone? Anyone?)

Race and religion don't matter as long as you don't try and convert me.
(WHAT? How do you try to convert someone's race?)

Im not sure why I havnt landed a girl, I think theres just to many girls that like to party and sleep around, excuse me, "have fun." I have been cheated on and fucked over by girls, Im kinda bitter becouse I feel there arnt any good girls left. Im sweet, romantic, and I love realy well, I want the same from a girl. I want them to want me, to want to be around me, to spend hours wraped up in each other. I just want love, I feel kinda wierd doing this, its realy not me. Im a sexual person, I love sex, I got screwed out of that part of my last relationship becouse my ex was fucking around. If you want we could just lay together, maybe fool around, but no sex,
(Uh... bitterness aside, I think he is confused. He seems to think all women are whores. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore will sleep with anyone. A bitch will sleep with anyone BUT YOU. Therefore, these women are bitches, not whores.
Bonus points for chutzpah for calling himself sweet and romantic. "I just want love... i feel kinda weird, it's really not me")

send a pic, my hair is messed up in one of mine but I just took them and put them on
(how do you just take hair and put it on? DID YOU SLEEP THROUGH ENGLISH CLASS?)

I’m willing to risk my heart for the chance to hold a hand or sneak a kiss, to open the door or send a bouquet of flowers. Willing to risk losing my breath at the thought of losing the person I love and to go that extra step to make my special someone's day. Willing to be someone's monkey, why you ask? Because to love with all you are and experience the pleasure of love far out weights the risk of losing. I will love you like you've never been loved if you are willing to risk the same.
I'm fit, I'm employed and have been for many years. I'm attractive, honest, easy going and confident.
Turn ons: - Faith in God above and who you are - Dancing - Holding hands - Midday phone calls or IM/emails - sending or delivering flowers - Singing - Honesty - Sharing my plate because hers' isn't as tasty - Honey Do Lists (Yes, because most don't realize that’s being in many ways your lovers hero)
I've opened myself to you, will you now do the same for me? Let’s go to dinner, to laugh a little, share a story or two and end the evening with a simple thank you. I promise I'll open the door for you after walking you to your car.
(HA! Missy called it. She said "I think I just threw up.")

I feel bad for all of those women out there with large boobs being neglected by the world because they happen to be well endowed. I just want to say that I for one appreciate your big boobs even if the rest of these guys don't. So if you have big boobs get in contact with me, I would love to meet you.
(*snort* Big Boob seeks 2 more big boobs. Women should post "are you rich? I feel bad for all the rich men out there being neglected by the world because they happen to be well-off. I just want to say that I for one appreciate your money even if the rest of the women don't. So if you have big money, get in contact with me....")

Hi there...good looking guy here in search of a woman that will record me stroking it in the mens dressing room. If interested get back at me and we can set up the details.
(oh, get dead!)

update!

Sorry about the "musical layouts," folks. I was trying to get a cool one but i was running into all sorts of glitches. And sorry about the delay in posting - I'll be more regular from here on out... ok, I'll TRY to be more regular.

Don't forget - click on ads! The more you click, the closer I get to another check for beer money... and with champs like these to mock, I NEED THAT BEER!

sorry, got caught up with work...

I apologize - I have been up in Canada. I just got back. This is the latest batch of champs out there, ladies, just dying to meet you! Now don't all swarm at once!



Ok, sorry, but all I could think when I saw this was... Bleeeagh. Not only is the body just... weird, but he's all slimy! I don't want him sitting on my couch!

Apparently this hunka hunka burnin' Couth is seeking a woman to put away his laundry. And she won't be able to escape because the couch is blocking the door. Fire hazard?

A tricycle. For real. I know FOUR-year-olds who wouldn't be caught dead on something so wussy.


Sasquatch, anyone? WTF?


Sometimes you don't even have to ask if they are on antidepressants. Way to put your best foot forward!


When posting a picture of yourself, try to make sure there isn't a love note in the background. Oh, and move to a place where the doorframe isn't rotted through. I'm not falling in love with you and moving into your nasty-ass trailer.


Nothing wrong with the dude. But the little girl? Scares the crap out of me. Not sure I want to end up stepmommying one of the children of the corn. I'd be afraid one night she'd want to sleep with daddy and me and I'd wake up to find her trying to suck my blood!


Were you HIGH when you took this? YOU MISSED HALF YOUR FACE!


He says he's a cop... and here to "serve and protect" - I think he's the one I'd need PROTECTING FROM!


Sometimes you can just TELL when he's gonna be a douchebag.


MEN SEEKING WOMEN! CAN YOU NOT READ? I can never understand why some good-looking men choose to become UGLY women...


Great picture. I bet you got tons of replies...


Go get some Noxzema and try this again, pizza-face. And PUT YOUR HAT ON RIGHT!


Any woman locked in your embrace is just going to remember the time a giant stinky fish took up residence in the same spot, stupid.


Photoshop much, blue-eyes? You don't look germanic, you look like you are on an acid trip!

champs

Since I will have recently graduated and won't have a lot of disposable income-I will have ajob or paid internship, though- I won't have a great place of my own. That doesn't seem to be a problem in many places and it certainly doesn't mean I can't go out. Besides, a relationship also means quality moments during waking hours.
(I'm broke, live at home, and mom won't let me have sleepovers.)

by the way, im pritty easy going.
(eh?)

i dont know what it is but for some reason i only seem to attract girls i dont have anything in common with like these damn little prissy princesses who want everyone to hand them the world cause their to lazy and stupid to get off their own ass and work for it.
("people describe me as sweet, loving, kind....")

I am in search of an attractivem drams and disease free young lady with a perosnl desire to have a child, without strings or attachments. You Must be financially secure to take care of our child. If you have a serious desire to have a child contact me. We will meet, and if it mixes, I have reserved a hotel room.
("I want to have a no-condom hookup. And you have to let me off the hook for child support if it turns out my swimmers go the distance.")

Just looking for the right girl to care for. I enjoy watching from a distance, and spending every waking second with you. I can be by your side 24/7. Or just watch you while you sleep.
(restraining order, anyone?)

I am looking for a women who has not found the the right man, needs a part time job, likes sex and is a nice person. The job includes helping me with my personal, sexual and business needs. Send pictures and info about skills, experience, beliefs, goals, age and why you want this position and why it would work for you.
(WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO UNDERSTAND you do not APPLY to be a girlfriend, and you don't post an ad for a secretary on a dating site!)

hi long time i go i haved a girlfriend now a waiting for you.......
(erudite little fucker, ain't he?)

hi i am just a noramal guy.that likes to hav efun and nows when to be serios but i always like having fun
(and clearly put a lot of time and care into writing this personal ad...)

here are 2 pics of me taken like 6 months ago im pretyy much the same.
(i call shenanigans! In this day and age, WHO only has pictures from half a year ago, and if you are still the same, WHY explain thy are dated?)

want to have discreet fun with nice divoeced professional.WE WILL DO WHATEVER TAKES TO SATISFY EACH OTHER.If u are married and think u need someone, when u are lonely then send me a message and just want to tell u that race and look is not important..
(and we wonder why other countries think the USA is no longer a world leader. It's people like this with their indecipherable and morally questionable personal ads...)

53 year old man in panties wants to please youI like to wear panties..... I am a big guy... 5'11 and 270 pounds.... let me come by and show you.... I LOVE older women, and love also any women any size or shape... age not important.... I would love to please you orally and ask for nothing in return, but will do whatever you ask. I am not able to meet on weekends, and work most evenings... daytime is best
(ten bucks says the panties are his wife's and she'd beat the everloving shit out of him if she ever saw this ad!)

more champs

I am a 20 year old, white business major attending the University of Wisconsin. I am interested in finding a date, however, it seems that I am no one's type. I don't fit in at bars or parties and whenever I am out, I am conducting business of some sort; it is hard to meet women when you are preoccupied. In addition, I am not a very smooth talker.
(Dawna found this and forwarded it. Business major? He couldn't sell ice to an Eskimo!)

im a 3o male personal trainer very attracive i make brad pitt look ugly honestly, im very muscular tanned blue eyes and black long hair i am searching for a movie actor one who is down to earth and wnating a normal guy. i know so many actresses go to rehab cause they dont have anybody to turn to or truely love them i think its sad anyhow get back with me descretly if you wnat k
stay safe
remember click it or ticket
james
(James wants an actress who is down to earth and wants a normal guy who makes Brad Pitt look ugly. And he values "descretely" conducting said relationship. THISSUN! THISSUN would be a GREAT babydaddy, folks! .... Not. Well, I dunno. He's good about seat belts but I wouldn't want him teaching MY kids to read and write...)

i have worked hard all my life. but i have not found happiness yet. i have always felt that it was better to be happy and not live to work, but work to live and have a life. not concentrate on money$ and having things, but rather enjoy life and family. any way you slice it i was rong. this big-ol bad world, as much as i hate to say it money$ is happiness. to me that is so sad.
(You worked hard all your life, thinking money is happiness, but you haven't found happiness yet. So... you're broke? YOU SPELLED "RONG" RONG, buddy! WHAT level of education do you even HAVE?)

I'd put up a real picture online--if there weren't so many of you stalker-psycho ladies out there. (You know who you are.) I may be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but I'm a just a normal guy-- Send me your picture and I'll send you a close-up of me.
(He's paranoid, delusional, and wants to send someone a dick pic. PASS!)

my religion: Heinz 57 Christian...exposed to many different denominations during my life. And have dated Jews and Muslims before...I am a man of many ideas
(.... or a man who'll bang anything. Just wanted to toss that out there..,.,)

im not looking for some fucking princess so if your just looking for a guy to buy you shit get the hell away from me dont e-mail me dont talk to me i dont want any of your selfish shit.oh and if your gonna e-mail me send a picture really i dont respond to e-mails without a pic at all.
(sometimes you don't even have to dig far to uncover anger issues and BIG FUCKING RED FLAGS!)

Disease free and I expect the same.
(uhm... why did this make the list, when your height, race, and things you enjoy did NOT?)

lets be real i know it has got to be a woman on hear that is looking for more then just looks im looking for a good woman are you out hear let me know i am real and not bullshiting
(do you PAY ATTENTION? the women on here don't care about looks, we are golddigging whores! Oh, and ad translation: He's a woofer. Illiterate to boot.)

whats good? just cn whats up with wisconsin. rate me if you want if not whatever im straight.
(Wisconsin women have to be wondering where and HOW these boys raised in Arcadia, Winneconne, and De Pere picked up the ghetto accents. Is it too much MTV?)

ARE YOU TIERED OF WORKING??? I'M LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO WANTS TO BE A HOUSE "WIFE". YOU WILL HAVE TO BE ABLE TO.... COOK, CLEAN. MUST BE A CLASSY WOMAN WHO IS A FREEEEEK IN THE DARK!!!! BUT ITS GOT TO STAY IN THE DARK!!
(another caps lock moron. Seeking a housekeeper he can pork. 1970 called, they don't want you back, buddy. And for the record, even Carol Brady got her own maid; Alice.)

bad pics

THIS is a gentleman who better get away from that car damned quick before the owner comes out and shoots him. If you are going to flash the cash, folks, try not to do it in a way that LOOKS like you're a wannabe!

This guy said he's always busy. DOING WHAT? Oh, the rose and hat and flowers make this a great "Brokeback" pic, btw.

He's not looking for women, I hope. Someone just forwarded this to me, and cracked... "Don't piss on my back and try to tell me it's raining!"

Again with her. I posted one of her pics before. She seeks someone who is a gentleman. WAY TO START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT!

His ad said he was 28. Heather said, "28 my left female nut!"

personal ads from ALL OVER the country - thanks, subbies!

I am back now working and going to collage part time,
(H: is that where they teach you to paste newspaper on balloons?)

The last month or two, the only responses I've gotten off my posts here have been several bots, but no real people. I'm not interested in dating a bot! I've already tried all the dating sites, but never got any responses there either. I would really like to be in a relationship ASAP. I will only date a Jewish girl between the ages of 18 and 25 who doesn't smoke.
(He doesn't care about getting ANY responses, he's wondering why he's not finding a very SPECIFIC response. Roughly 2% of the US population is Jewish, say 6 million people. Half of those are men, then. Down to 3 million. He has a 7 year age range out of a lifespan of let's say 80. So 9 percent of the 3 million is 270,000. Now, a whopping majority of said Jewish lasses are in LA or New York. So we're down under 40k OUTSIDE those 2 metro areas, according to Wiki.
Now go find a nonsmoking, decent-looking one in your area who isn't being pursued by or married to one of the other 3 million Jewish men. Good luck with that.
Not saying it can't be done, but have you TRIED J-date or your local temple? How about settling for a Jewish Bot?)

YOU KNOW DA LOOK, GOT AH BOTTOM ALREADY, LOOKIN' FO AH "GO-GETTA" TO JOIN THIS VISION WE SEE, YA DIG? NO STRINGS ATTACHED, SO YOU DO YOU, BUT AT DA SAME TIME GET UP UNDA SAMETHEN $REAL$ AND LOOSE NATHIN' BUT GAIN PLENTY WIT AH THUG & AH BOSS BEEZIE, WE WIT DA BIZ YA DIG?
(A wonderful reader passed this along and said..."Only one, but honestly when I saw it I - had - to send it to you. I have no idea what he's looking for but reading it the third time it occurs to me he has one person involved already and that leads to the scary thought - someone out there DOES understand him." My response? EW! HAHAHA! Thanks Lyn!)

ok it's like this... i was walking to a friends house, and then i got attacked by a 4-6 people. they were trying to rob me but they got nothing, so they ran. out of that i received a black eye, and blood shot eyes. because of that incident, i lost all my confidence. i can't look woman in the eyes anymore, or talk to them. i'm either looking for a woman to help break me out of this slump or phase that i'm going through, or a relationship. about me...i'm black, 5'11", wiegh about 148-150.
(Heather was like... "was he attacked by GIRLS? Is this why he needs a woman to heal him?" You didn't start this off on the right foot, friend-o. Because what gal wants to have a boyfriend who lives in an area like this?
My only thought when I read this one was a very horrible, un-PC one. He got a black eye. He's black. How can he tell? Someone remind me to yank this post before I start sending out resumes sometime down the road....)

Im not worried about a 15 min drive but 25 or 30 is a bit much. I have more info about me just come and get it by emailing me. Im a gentelman. I am totally straight so im not looking for a single motherfucker to email me! and im nice to my girl but not everyone. if u reply have a pic or im not answering. thanks a lot ps please be white
(GENTLEMAN seeks non-motherfucker, who better send pic if she wants a reply and she damn best be white if she knows what's good for her. Won't drive 25 minutes for a relationship, and he's a dick to anyone he's not porking. But really, he's a gentleman!)

I look good and im funny,i make alot of money,,,,,maybe this isnt the place,,,open to all,,,,looking for that heart of gold,,,,,but you know its ge tting,,,,,,,just have something to offer,,,,not fat with 3 kids,,,,drop a line NO bar flys apply,,,,have your poop together,,,i do
(Comma boy thinks fat women with 3 kids have nothing to offer, and wants a woman who can decipher his language. He has his poop together. Yes. NOT ALL AT ONCE, LADIES!
Pointer: MEN! DO NOT USE THE WORD POOP IN A PERSONAL AD!)

im a single father 47 years old i dont have a lot of time to get out to meet anyone between raising my kids and running my business so nhere goes im gonna give craigs list a try im about 6' tall aprox 160 lbs with brown hair i like boating auto sports dinner out movies in and whatever quiet time i can find im looking for someone with same interests
DAWNA - (I really hope he has a secretary to do all of his correspondence for the 'business' he runs. He is 47. By the way, if one has no time to meet anyone how will they find time to date? By the way, he is 47. Is this a 'I need a mommy for my kids' ad or am I reading this wrong? Oh, forgot to mention he is 47.)

Hey, I'm from NY on a roadtrip down the east coast, looking for a new place to move to. I am 27 5'9 and well educated. I am a fun, nice guy, animal lover who is looking for a sweet girl to tell me about the Virginia Beach area and take me out when I am in town next Tues/Wed.
(Dawna translation – unemployed and looking for a couch to crash on.)

Disease free of course, but why drug free?
(*blink*)

SOMETHINGS ARE LIKE A BOOK AND YOU MUST BE ABLE TO READ EACH PAGE TO TURLY GET THE MOST FROM IT. I'M 6'1,200LBS,42YRS OLD AND KNOW WHO I AM.
(he is comparing himself to a book? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU READ A BOOK THAT WAS IN ALL CAPS?)

I tend to wear a suit and tie, and that seems to turn women my age off. I am not a snob, or a pretentious jerk, I just prefer dress pants and ties to jeans and a T-shirt. I manage apartment buildings, and I personally own a couple. I am also the vice president of a real estate corporation. I plan on going to law school after college, with the intention of forming a real estate corporation of my own. I don't want to practice law, I want to develop land and build houses; having a law degree would simply make it easier to conduct business properly.
(*whew* good thing he's not a pretentious jerk. He wants the law degree so he can get more pussy. Trust me, I went to law school with weenies like this.)

aaaiiiigggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

I PASSED THE WISCONSIN BAR EXAM!!!!!

that is all for today :o)

I need new subbies!

I love those of you who have sent along material over the last few years... I have had a lot of fun doing this blog; it has been a great outlet!

But, as some of you have pointed out to me; I haven't been posting as much as I should to keep it regular. Lately I just haven't had it in me, what with bar exam results and finding work and ... well, suddenly having zero reason to go troll personal ads. :o)

Anyhow, I'd like to take on another writer if any of you are interested. It can be a crew that works together to come up with posts if you want...I'd like a regular submitter or two who can commit to once a week or so just coming up with a list of posts and commentary like I do. If I have more than one, we can have contests to see who is the funniest!

If anyone is interested, please send me a sample copy of a post at Taniquelle@gmail.com. If you are wondering where we get material from, most of my submitters find it on craigslist.com - go to any major city on the site and troll the personals. Copy and paste the absurd lines into a word doc and then just put your own comments underneath in parentheses. I'd also be interested in any NEW sort of posts if anyone has ideas.

Your readership on here? It'll vary. I've had a few days recently where I have hit the 4-figure mark, but it generally floats in the middle hundreds. It's not as high as the nearly 10,000 a day I was getting a year ago, but if we work together, maybe we can get it back up there. And if it does take off again, I'll split all adsense revenue with regular posters, so it's basically free beer money for mocking those who need to be mocked.

Hope to hear from ya!

more silly pics people post to find wuv

Ok, what in the HELL is going on here? Why is there a naked dude behind you, what are the straps going to the ceiling, WHY did you let someone photograph this, and WHY did you post it as your picture?

Is this your best picture? Really? And showcasing your desktop? WTF?


Well, I HOPE that "ME" is referring to you. Otherwise you're posting in the wrong section.

A submitter passed this along with "is it just me or does he have a nutsack but no penis?"

Either way, it is just WRONG to post this!


Again with the wearing sunglasses indoors. Will they never learn?

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ENGLISH?!?!?!?!

I love doing almost everything you can do and I looking for someone to do them with. The only things I don’t like are smokers, un-education people and gold-diggers. I would prefer a pic when you rely.
(he doesn't like un-education people. keep that in mind when you rely.)

Hi. I'm double-majoring in psychology and I hope to eventually go to law school. :)
(aaaaaand? Is "i hope to eventually go to law school" the second major?)

This is my second time doing this hopefully this time will be better, i did have like 5 repplys the other day, but only one sent me a pic,.why?? cause your not sure waht your doing or what? if i doing this is because im serius about this I wont lost my time doing this kind of staff,. so please be serius, if you really want to find someone to be with and have a ltr, just be yourself and express your feeling.
(...but mostly send a picture because the Sears catalog is getting old. Seriusly.)

My hobbies are spending time in my car, feeding squierls, and jumping rope.
(NEXT!)

Hi there drop dead beautiful women of the wiscosin area.I am a thirty year old male.That likes to have fun like I am still in my twenty's.I love to wine in dine mature hot looking women.
(mature hot looking women probably won't be able to decipher this.)

And I always remember what makes a woman special. Always.
(it's the purse, right?)

I am 28 til June and am in the time of my life where I have decided I need a good woman that can compliment me. Not on here for sex but for an intelligant, independant, and well spoken woman. oh and lots of laughs too!!
(god save us from the fucktards who want an intelligant woman.)

If you know what Polyamory is, then we'd like to hear from you.
Could it be time for you to end your lonely crusade for a "Mr. Right" and have him (me) in your life (for the rest of your life) sooner than later (or possibly never!Ouch!)!
We're early 50's couple, together 31 years and have been looking for a poly-minded woman (sexually straight) to join us in life and love. She is straight, good natured, very friendly, honest and wanting another woman to become part of us.
Dawna - fired this off at me, saying... "Strangely enough, no mention of Mormanism.... Haha.")

weeners

Today's pics - this genius announced he is married, looking for discreet play...
I thought... wow.
If you are going to cheat on a spouse, posting pics of yourself on the net, DONT have recognizable tats or a bathroom she would know was her own!

He posted:

I thought:
DONT POST pics of yourself doing drugs. Come on. BEST FOOT FORWARD!

*I have zero clue what that schmutz on her face is. Don't email me to ask.

eh?

This was my favorite personal ad ever. Hotornot had this up.

Hey just lookin to meet new friends to hang out with and have a good time .. if u like what you see check yes...OH YES AND DID I MENTION I AM MARRIED? AND NOW BUSTED BY MY LOVING CARING WIFE!
(HAHAHA! Whoops.)

What else do we have today? Let's see...

I am looking for a beatifull girlfriend that undertand that I am bisex, when I am with a girl I am with a girl, this is not for try to appear straight, is because I like the girls and never I had a relationship with a guy, I don't want that way, I like a nice girls with me that understand that the most important is the good feelling that I have for her
(gay babelfish!)

when it comes to writing about myself it just doesnt work for me, you gotta get to know thats why I am doing this so I can take you in a date and we can have a conversation talking about ourselfs , all I gotta say about me is that I am 5'11" tall
(fail.)

Disabled man is looking for romance with hippie woman who like movies, dinner, hanging out and listening to the Grateful Dead. I love hairy legs and armpits. Blind women may apply.
(YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HOW MANY DEGREES A FEMALE HAS, A PERSON COULD HAVE 20 DEGREES AND BE A JERK! BUT COULD HAVE NO DEGREES AND BE AN ANGEL. I AM A TRANSPORTATION SUPERVISOR FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE ( I GOT BENIFITS LOL )
(at least us jerky educated women KNOW how to spell "benefits" - I'm kind of scared someone working for the Department of Defense doesn't know how to type without using all caps and seems to have a bias against people who gots sum skoolin.)

I wish I could attach my personality to this ad; that would make things easier for both of us,
(dude... what?)

cleaning out the picture cache

Okay, we're gonna do this like so... One picture from the creepy peoples, one silly pic as my response. I dunno. I need sleep.


He posted:
I thought:
Kind of sad to lose all the weight and still be grody. Plus, every woman is going to look at the FIRST pic and see what you'll bounce back to once you let yourself go. DONT OPEN WITH THAT!



SHE posted:

I thought:
Muffin TOP is one thing. Muffin THUNDERTHIGHS are a whole other thing completely.

He Posted:

I thought:

I HOPE drugs were involved!

He posted:

I thought: You're wearing CHICK sunglasses, bro. And nobody likes to date a chimney.

She posted:

I thought:
No comment.

sorry! i'm back!

Today I'm being adventurous and doing the pictures first. Let's roll.

Sweetie. Whoever told you this was a GOOD picture... they lied. I thought you were actually wearing one of those fake-nose and mustache glasses.

YOU, sir, are posting in the incorrect section. MEN seeking WOMEN?!?!?!

It was women like this that scared me out of Naples. We use BRUSHES to apply makeup, ladies, not spatulas. And as scary as this looks, I think I'd be more afraid to see you without it!

Wowie. Sometimes you can just... TELL when they're going to be a serial murderer... EEEEK!

Was this a horribly botched dye job or a bald spot?

I'd need a LOT of coffee before I could look at that in the morning and not wince. Come to think of it, I'd need a lot of bourbon, too.

He claimed mid-twenties. So that's too old to be a daughter. Bad call, buddy. Women are going to look at this and either think you like them YOUNG and HOT, or that you proved yourself inept with rubbers from a VERY early age...

HA! Someone forwarded this with a sigh. "We haven't seen a BIG GUN pic in so long, I was beginning to think they HEARD us. But apparently NOT!"

Wow. I have been jumpin' on this end. If your boss ever asks you to find the mailing address and current president/chairman of every indian tribe in the USA; RUN! Some of the tribes love playing musical ... chairs, literally, and THEN there's a whole 'nother subsect of tribes that have 2 leaders because half the tribe refuses to accept the tribal elections. Clusterfuck.

I digress.

Thanks to my beloved submitters, I DO have a stockpile of great (I use that term SO loosely) material. So here we go! This is the latest batch of snippets from ads men post to meet their dream lady.

Be sure to send pictures or I will ignore you
(YES! The perfect man! He knows how to ask for things nicely! Can you SEE a life with him? "Pass the green bean casserole or you don't exist."

That special woman who is secure enough in her own self to be able to relate to a transgendered lesbian. That means that I am a genetic male who feels as much, maybe more, a woman as a man. I don't plan any surgery, nor living fulltime as a woman.
(when are men going to learn that challenging us is not going to fly? Dating a transgender has NOTHING to do with being secure with yourself, either. It has more to do with an affinity for grief. On the upside, your wardrobe DOES double. You CAN get away with buying things you shouldn't because you can trot out the line "ALL WOMEN HAVE TO HAVE THIS" and s/he might more easily buy it. But transgenders take HORMONES. If ANYONE in the relationship is going to be hormonal, it is ME! Plus there's the whole... meeting the parents thing. My mom would just bust out the knife and go for the seppuku.)

life is sooo small so enjoy with smile and don't hurt other's and thier feelings , u live also make live others
(another botched babelfish translation or a sign that public schools are FAILING our children?)

I love be in a good mood and sports.kss.
(see above.)

Looking for someone stable "not on the rag 24/7" I need a woman who's not so quick to jump the gun and assume...Assumptions are the key to all **** up's which is so true.
(Wow. Just what we all want. A guy who sees any sign of irritability as being "on the rag". Personally, I have noticed that the ones who accuse the woman of constantly assuming are generally huge ballers. PASS.)

Building US up and supporting her to give birth to the vision God has given to our family. I am a true gift to the woman who finds me.
(um..... NO!)

intelligant spontaneious funny real and alot of other adjectives i could name
(like iliterat)

looking for a friend to count with or maybe more, i'm not looking for a fucbody
(TO COUNT with? Ladies, I present the ultimate in cheap dates!)

Well, I like to stay active. So for fun you can catch me fishing. (no pun intended)
(oof. And is fishing REALLY activity? Maybe it’s just the men I know, but the exertion is usually limited to opening beers and flicking a line every hour or so…)

I love fine wine, Mojitos and casual walks on the beach! hihihiih! If casual sounds too much for you. You can always run! Please no bebes!
(If casual sounds TOO MUCH? WHAT does this even MEAN?)

I know it sounds weird, but I want a serious, long term gf who will occassionally cheat on me or have a 3sum with another guy or two. I have had plenty of monogamous relationships and they never end up working b/c things get old. I just want a woman secure enough to find another guy to have sex with on occasion. Then bring home those hot moments and make our bed even hotter.
(I don't think it's "hot moments" she'll bring home, buddy. BURNING, maybe, but not hot...)

As Americans tend to be a bit bigger than French people (no offend), I'd appreciate if you were fit/slim/skinny, not more than 135lbs. I'm not looking for a model but you should have self esteem. You must speak proper English, must not smoke and be opened to different cultures.
(WHAM!)

a prime example of why some animals EAT their young...

And this ad... again, gentlemen, DON'T DO DRUGS before writing a personal ad! And also, I have to ask... WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?

YES - NOT DMB OR DAVE MATTHEWS BAND..........
YES, I KNOW I WAS SOOOOOO
RUDE.
ME FARTING AS MY BABY DOLL LICKED AND
SUCKED MY BALLSACK. IT WAS BAD, BUTT FUNNY (TO ME AT LEAST). I KNOW IT, BUT I THOUGHT IT
MIGHT TURN YOU ON COZ YOU LAUGHED WHEN I FARTED A NASTY ONE IN THAT
SO CALLED UPSCALE RESTAURANT AND PEOPLE GIGGLED - SO DID YOU !
AND I WILL REPLACE THE FAUX EYELASH THAT THE FART MESSED UP, OK ? A WHOLE NEW SET, I PROMISE !
THE NEXT NIGHT, I AM LICKING YOUR CLIT AND YOU FARTED
(WOMEN NORMALLY poot, BUT THIS WAS A TRUE HIGH OCTANE FART FROM MEXICAN FOOD)
ANYWAYS, NEXT THING I KNOW, I AM STAGGERING AROUND DOWN BY THE RIVER
BEHIND MY HOUSE ALMOST DEAD WHEN I WAKE UP, RATS ARE GNAWING ON ME AND THEY HAVE STARTED TAKING OFF MY PANTS....... MY "MR HAPPY" WILL BE NEXT, I SEEPOSE.
MAYBE I AM DEAD ?
PLEASE HELP ME !!! MY FACE AND RIGHT ARM ARE ALMOST GONE.....
AS A PUBLIC SERVICE NOTICE -
GENTS AND LADIES - WARNING ! QUEEFS OR VAGINA POOTS ARE FUNNY/COOL, BUT BUNGHOLE ASSPIPE FARTS AS A GUY LICKS YER CLIT CAN BE DEADLY, LADIES. JUST LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, DAMMIT.
the dead meat dude OR RAT FOOD DUDE - (DMD or rfd FOR SHORT) i am really very loveable, ladies.

I found the perfect picture to match:

today's batch of charmers...

wayy to many ho3s out here is there any girl who isnt if u exist plz im all urs!!! even better i prefer if its YOUR FIRST TIME TOO plz be pretyy attractive thas all i would ask for and hopefully we connect in a good way I NEED A GIRLFRIEND...PLZ SHOW ME PICS ILL SHOW U MINE....I PUT THAT WEIRD PIC SO U CAN SEE MY POSTING TOO SHY TO PUT MINE UP HERE...PLZ PLZ CONTACT ME!!!
(It just strikes me as ironic that he is ballsy enough to use words like "ho3s" and wants a beautiful virgin and then says he's too shy to put up a picture.)

As you can see, I need a bit of a healthy distraction in my life. A low-key romance would be nice, and if I could order one of those up just as easy as I can get a season of "The Office" from Netflix, life would be sweet! Unfortunately, getting into medical school seems easier than dating in this town. Since you are on CL yourself, I am sure you agree.
(actually, some of us are just on "CL" for the giggles. It's like watching a train wreck. If dating is so hard in this town, um... scale back on the netflix and get out there and MEET people?)

I know about stuff from making stained glass to running a manure spreader. I'm a cad drafter. Let’s talk.
(uh... WHAT?)

i just recently completed basic training and AIT. i'm now a 52C
(wow. I’m a 36C and I thought I had a big chest!)

I might settle for fun, friendship and intelligent conversation with a lady with nice looks/interests/values & a good heart.
(that’s what you SETTLE for? Jeeebus, man, what are you SHOOTING for?)

I am Spontanious. When drunk I can't stop dancing. & I am just a pretty badass guy. I younowhaimsayin!
(you think you're the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Thatwhaursayun?)

If you are a fun, energetic person, I'm interested in meeting you! I like ppl who edit their pics properly; No scratched-out friends' faces plz!
(of ALL the things to be picky about...)

No strings or attachments unless your the right girl. Then I would like to have you move in with me lol
(one extreme to the other. MIDDLE GROUND, FOLKS!)

I would really like to have lunch as communicating by e-words represents only 8% of total communication. So let's plan to get the whole tone, body language infusion that face-to-face will determine whether we can stand one another.
(another gentleman making up statistics. And looking for someone he can "stand". Romance? Ladies, I think it's dead!)

I want to find someone that wants to become part of my team of two that could grow in numbers.
(Are you opening a MCDONALDS?)

CLARIFICATION

My buddy Matt Worzala has been covering the blog for me in my absence, and I just read the following part of his post.

"Enjoy walking, reading travelling, the arts, broadway, museums, gardening, day trips, scrabble, decorating and more."
(I'm including this one because I have a friend who's code phrase for sex is "playing scrabble", so when ever I see it listed in someone's interests I'm like, "yeah, I bet you like scrabble." And then I nod knowingly.)

Matthew. Let me clarify. When I invite you to play Scrabulous with me on Facebook, I fucking mean Scrabulous. When I invited your FIANCEE to play, I also intended to play the online video game - stop shuddering. And when I told you I usually have a HUNDRED games going at once with strangers, I did not realize you would take that as me implying that I am one big whopping slutpuppy.

Just so we're clear.

:o)

And if any of my readers like to play Scrabulous, look me up on facebook!

Random Picture Corner!

I guess even leprechauns need some lovin'... WHEN will BALD men learn that wearing TURTLENECKS makes them look like a bottle of roll-on deodorant?
Seriously, with a decent picture he'd have SUCH better luck!

Is it just me or is his head WAY too big for his body?

Private joke, folks. Move along; nothing to see here.


I am going to hell for this one. It made me laugh out loud.

Yay us. Appalachia has discovered the Internet.


It's like the little geek with the "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt grew up. And is probably still as randy.


Yeah, this is one to take home to mom. And does he NOT own nail clippers?

Dude. Pick a gender. ANY gender. But realize ladies are NOT looking for the cross-dressers because you guys KIFE ALL OUR GOOD CLOTHES AND STRETCH THEM OUT! If I want to see a woman with a goatee, I'll go visit my mom. You're not winning points here.


If anyone has been to the Kollege Klub - a really good burger joint but a ghetto nightspot here in Madison, WI - then you recognize this set of stairs. This sign killed me. At the top of a WET flight of stairs, THIS is the WARNING you THINK TO GIVE?

more geniuses.... genii? whatever.

WHEEEEW! Why is it that the second I am done with the exam, I get pneumonia and my comp crashes? Sorry about the delay in new posts; I have needed some non-computer time, and some time to try to recover!

Ok, let's check out the latest charmers.... and thanks to all the submitters who kept sending along gems they came across!

Please be some what in shape you dont need a super model body but please be presentable. I'm not in the best shape ever but two wrongs dont make a right.
(Wait.... WHAT?)

I am married,but beginning the proses for divorcing my wife of 17 plus years. We are planning for now to co-habituate together for our kids sake, but I cannot do this and not look for my needs to be fulfilled during this time too. I am 46 years old. I want to meet someone else who want to have some fun with me and is not looking for any thing that I can not give them at this time or maybe ever. I know that I will need a very long time for figuring out my life as this is going on and I will not bring you into my problem, so I want this to really be a "friends with benefits" situation for now.
(married man living with his wife, emotionally unavailable. What, pray tell, is IN IT FOR THE WOMAN YOU SEEK? And just out of curiosity - what is co-habituating?)

Please dont response if you wont sent me a pics, why??? cause im sending you mines, and is not fair if you dont sent yours.
(I keep hoping these are just blown Babelfish translations generated by computer. But I am beginning to realize that no, the answer to George Bush's burning question: "Is our kids learning?" is ... NOSSIR, THEY IS NOT.)

I've done the NSA thing and I am looking for something more.
(A WOMAN posted this, and someone passed it along, saying, "way to let the men know you're a slut up front! Good luck with that!)

Part of God purpose for me is to be in a GREAT LOVING marriage. I look forward to being married and loved again... I'm a recent widow. Long ago God had called me to be a devoted Husband all was well until a fatal car accident. Since then I've learned the hard way, that I'm not a boyfriend, Partner or any other loose cheap no substance 21st relationship type. I sincerly miss the romance and real love makin and carin.
(How is it the religious wingnuts always seem to think they know God's plan for them in spite of all the signs to the contrary? If God intended for you to be a devoted husband, how do you know he didn't change his MIND when he took your wife out?)

One more time good luck in yor searh and remenber this : thereis not perfect human been in thi world so lets give us a chance
(I feel my standards are rather middle-of-the-pack. I am not seeking "perfect" but I'll be damned if I'm going to drop "functionally literate" from the list of mandatories.)

I don't think advertising on CL for whatever kind of interaction greases your wheels is a triumph of pre-screened reason over the potential misdirection of first impressions, nor do I see it as a desperate and pathetic attempt to further one's fate and succumb to ambient coupling pressures. It does make me feel a bit weird, but probably no less weird than approaching a total stranger and saying "my I engage you in a superficial shouting match over the needlessly loud music for the purpose of potentially beginning some sort of life-altering partnership?" When you find yourself a bit out of step with the majority of familiar strangers in your orbit, I suppose any genuine attempt at escape velocity can't be entirely pathetic, no matter what kind of twisted tableaus the method conjures.
(Sometimes you can tell what kind of reading material a man keeps on the back of his toilet just by the way he talks. This one has a thesaurus. And he's another man you'd have to fuck just to shut him up.)

what up ladiez i like all kindz of girlz yall got to be sexy for da most part and gotz to b a lady in da light but freaky and da dark im single have been since da summer now im startin to get lonley i need a girl who aint all crazy and jealous
(my money says this one is a speechwriter. And he probably has a British accent. I bet he grew up on Park Avenue. And he's probably great spouse material. *snort*)

guess I need to find one of you hot and really smart and interesting chicks to get to no and maybe hang with really tired of the fakness the bars offer laitly.
(why do you want a smart "chick"? So she can mock you?)

i am a man looking for a real woman and i said a real woman
not a wounta be a real woman. weman on hear always looking for looks thats not all it is to life as long as you look good to me im happy and ill make you as happy as i can you can be young or older ill be happy with you all i need is for you to be you ill do the rest i know what it takes to be a man i live it every day
(I'm having another Maggie Simpson "blink...blink...blink..." moment)


Here's all you men get from me...

BLEEP BLOOP

It would appear that Tani is back, more or less unscathed from her close encounter of the bar exam kind. We'll throw one blog up here for olde tyme's sake before turning things back over to Tani.

So let's hit it like we're Lizzie Grubman.

"IM 23, VISABLY TATTOOED"
(If you're invisibly tattooed, then you've been ripped off)

"Pictures aren't necessary, as I judge more strictly on one's vocal tone and speech rather than their lyrics."
(I get that you were trying for a metaphor... but even in that case I don't think you know what the word lyrics means.)

"I think people jump into relationships to fast just because we live in a society that tells us we need a significant other and if you are single then you are just plain weird."
(Says the girl posting in the Women looking for Men section.)

"i'm not too picky, just be attractive, single, taller than 5' 7", and intelligent."
(But, you know, not picky)

"Enjoy walking, reading travelling, the arts, broadway, museums, gardening, day trips, scrabble, decorating and more."
(I'm including this one because I have a friend who's code phrase for sex is "playing scrabble", so when ever I see it listed in someone's interests I'm like, "yeah, I bet you like scrabble." And then I nod knowingly.)

"I am an award winning writer..(don't worry not too famous lol)..."
(I only mention it to make you self conscious lol)

"I'd describe myself as years old ' C teardrop easts and a nice firm ass sound good to you?"
(...did you have a stroke in the middle of this sentence?)

"single mom of 2 looking for mr. Right to sweep her off her feet.... serious about marriage not looking to date for years 2-3 mths max no need wasting years dating."
("Wasting years dating" ... THIS is how you end up a single mom of 2. Because if you're not going to put out on the first date, or agree to be married by the All Star game, aren't you REALLY just wasting each other's time? *siiiiigh*)

"I'm a SWF looking for a SWM (must be single)"
(Pssst! That's what the "s" stands for.)

"we meet this morning, have witty banter all day, get to know each other, laugh even though it is a Monday... and then?"
(Gosh, I don't know. Probably go to bed. I'm going to have a lot of catching up to do at the office on Tuesday.)

"If you are someone between the ages of 48-58 and still has lots of spunk left..."
(BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA.... *gasp* HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!)

"I am petite and have never been called fat, stupid, ugly or boring."
(You must have been home schooled)

Today's topic - men who are absolutely unrealistic about what kind of response they are going to get to their ad...

WHEW! The Bar exam is over! PLEASE GOD let me have passed it - I dunno if I could do that again. UGH!
WOW - I have a ton of material people have been sending me for the blog, so let's get to it, shall we?

"One last thing: DO NOT DELETE OR CHANGE THE SUBJECT LINE. It is what I look for in a sea of junk emails. Otherwise your response will be deleted unread. Also, respond in detail and comment to content"
(he must not be looking too hard, if he's unwilling to look beyond a specific subject line. Hm. Anyone else here get the distinct feeling he'd be a BOSSY sumbitch?)

Professional latino looking for a date
(sorry, i only go for amateur latinos)

I smoke but I'm not a chain smoker-I've bonded with some great friends and don't consider myself addicted. The point is, right now, smoking is one of my lifestyle choices. I don't feel that anyone should have to give up such a choice for love; a relationship means accepting that special someone for all they are.
(wow, he makes excuses for himelf, huh? I think he's in denial about the addiction or else he's 18 and still thinks it's cooool to puff. As a semi-smoker myself, I can't rag on him too hard, but lordy, you're not starting out on the right foot here, mang!)

i am a man looking for a real woman and i said a real woman
not a wounta be a real woman. weman on hear always looking for looks thats not all it is to life as long as you look good to me im happy and ill make you as happy as i can you can be young or older ill be happy with you all i need is for you to be you ill do the rest i know what it takes to be a man i live it every day
(dude... what?)

Hey, it's true. I can certainly be charming, when I want to be, but I prefer to be my normal, down-to-earth self. I'm in medical school now, so I do not have too much time to meet women--besides the dead bodies I work on in the cadaver lab--and by now they are all (literally) basket-cases. Oooh... was that too much information? Hey, it's one thing to imagine it: it's another to be the one who made them that way. Yikes!
(I repeat. Dude.... what?)

Physical attributes: 6'3 195 lbs, dark thick hair, and firm buttox
(rrrretch.)

Respectful White Male 5'11" Athletic With Blue eyes Looking for a Lactating White Female For a ANR.
(I repeat. Rrrreetch.
Dawna called this one: she said "Coming from a lactating white female I can honestly say EEEWWWWW!! These are for the baby only!!")

so im looking for a women to take care of me. i feal that i have done my share of being romantic, buying flowers, jewlry, vacations, etc. im not looking to jest give up and sit back and do nouthing. i will still be the great guy that I am. jest to be loved
(some other woman got all the good stuff. Now I want someone to take what's left. PPPAAASSSSSSSS)

Womesns Only
(no mesns?)

People always stop me and tell me I look more European than American..if that means anything
(that you're pretentious? You DO know where most of the Americans COME from, dontcha?)

I will make it worth your while if you have long red toenails and give me the chance to suck on those toes. Not all feet are pretty enough, but if yours are, and you could enjoy my generosity, then please reply. I also find hose and heel very sensuous and might enjoy myself just playing with them.
(Practical Dawna called this one: Without even getting into how incredibly gross the thought of sucking on a strangers (or anyone’s) toes I feel the need to inform all the men out there that long toe nails and hose do not mix.)

Fresh out of prison - 29
Well this is my third day out. Damn, fresh air is awesome. It's so nice to shower without 24 other men. Actually I kind of miss the attention. It was a quick 15 months. I guess time flys when you're having fun. I learned a lot while I was in and now I am ready to put my new skills to the test in the real world. Don't ask me what I did to get sent away... the answer is the same as everyone else's. I didn't do it! I'm looking for a woman that wouldn't mind helping me raise my pet monkey.
(another argument for why we need to keep drugs illegal.)


The gentleman glows in the DARK! And could you send a pic that hides your features anymore?

Ok, this has been coming up a lot lately. So I guess it needs saying. GUYS - PLEASE DO NOT POST PICTURES OF YOURSELF IN POOP POSE! I don't want my first image of a man to be how he looks when he's on the hopper in the morning. Save the good stuff for later, ok? BLAH!


What in GOD'S NAME are you thinking?

Is this the BEST pictue you can find of yourself to post? You look like a hungover over-the-hill draq queen.

Now this was just RANK. Save the tripod for the third date, ok? And ya might want to see a chiropractor or get someone to work that crick out of it, too. Kinda scary...

This one just made me laugh.

Back Again!

Sorry for the lapse. The tubes that our Internet flows through all froze up the last week or so.

But hey, love is in the air and desperation is close behind it! Let's get to it!

"by boy, of course i mean man, whatever that means."
(*sigh* Ladies, if you don't know what you mean, how are we supposed to know?)

"a hardcore agnostic"
(This just gave me a chuckle. Almost by definition you can't be a "hardcore" agnostic, because to be agnostic you're saying you don't know, and that you don't care enough to make an opinion one way or the other. Hardcore indeed.)

"I am exquisite complexity unfurling from the paradoxical interface of particularity and universality"
(*blink* *blink* My brain just punched itself. I know all of those words, but don't recognize them in this order.)

"Besotted grandfathers I will pinch hit on your team if you will on mine."
(Okay, seriously, I'll take "leet speak" over these last two. What does this mean? WHO ARE THE OCEANIC SIX???)

"I dont know what men want but it seems like they want a girl who is gonna treat them like $h!t and cheat!!! ... What the heck... so tell me what you want & maybe we can talk."
(Umm... I want a girl that's going to treat me like $h!t and cheat)

"This is my second time I am doing this CL thing, last time I posted with my pic and got 300 e-mails- NO LIE
This time I know I wont get so many cause most guys go off what someone looks like."
(Last time I did something that was really successful. So this time I'm deliberately doing something that will be less successful. ... Anyone follow the logic of that?)

"Married milfs women? - m4w - 42
Looking for a NSA married woman 27 to ? to have one on one fun with. send picture"
(This was in the Women seeking Men section. 1) You're in the wrong section, 2) Ew, 3) Ewwwwwww! 4) Please get ball cancer and die)

"OK guys...so just wondering if this thing actually works & if there are any real people on here..... "
(Nope, just you and a thousand Spam-bots. This whole "on-line dating" is just an elaborate ruse concocted by your friends. Why do people keep asking this?)

"love the outdoors (feel like I am suffocating when forced to stay inside...), "
(Well, that's cause you live inside a plastic bag.)

"Most people I know describe me as beautiful and adorable."
(Most people you know must not think much of your personality.)

"Everyone I know love me. Kids think I'm fun. Grown ups think I am adorable. Most men think I'm beautiful and sexy. Even my Ex would tell you I'm the best My boss would say that I'm prompt,reliable, well educated and efficient, but I'm also a team player and get along with everybody."
(Prompt, reliable, team player? Are you looking for a date or a career change?)

"Are you HIM?"
(No, this is HIM)


And with that nerd joke, I'll call it a day.
Remember to send your prayers, well wishes, lawyer jokes and money orders to Tani!

ok, i had to add a post.

Okay, this one was pretty much a dead-on description of me at the moment...

one week left until the bar exam - PLEASE everyone cross your fingers for me!!!

Here's an update on the latest geniuses to grace the singles scene. Enjoy.

I offer myself to you, without limits. Use me as your personal property. Show me what you want me to do and I'll obey. I feel lost and hopeless without someone to control and direct me. My heaven lies in total submission and service. I will live on scraps from your table and the products of your divine body
(heh. what do you get when you cross a single mother and a "helicopter parent"? THIS GUY! Ma, you RUINED him!)

Please rate my pics!!! - 30
Just curious ladies... would you say this guy is too pretty, average, ok looking, or just plain ugly???? No this is not an attempt at boosting ego or anything... just curious.
(This was on craigslist. Heather shot it at me, saying, "hmm... if only there was a SITE where people could do this sort of thing..." Somehow I think Jim and James over at Hotornot.com probably don't want him.)

Ok I am looking for a small, petite size woman that loves big guys. I am looking for a small framed woman that loves big guys. My size is 5”10 345pounds I have pictures to trade but only for serious inquires please. Age and race is not important just be old enough and not too old.
(heather's comment "....and I will love her and squeeze her and call her george")
(my comment - HAHAHAHAHA! NICE WORK, HEATHER! I love this dude's repetitiveness. But I also have to say, if I was a small woman, I don't think I'd want to date someone who was 345 pounds... I'd be afraid he'd accidentally ingest me!)

This one killed me. I told this guy he was illiterate. Dead serious, he replied
"your'e ideas of me are severly miscrewed"
(ummm....yep.)

I do currently have a B.A. in Communnication. Anyways I love meeting and chating
(NO.)

What I'm looking for: Undying devotion to the Dark Lord is a big plus for me.
(I see you've met my mother. HA! Wow, this one sounds like good potential father material.)

If you have 437737 in common with me drop me an E-mail.
(wuh. duh. fuh. Dawna immediately asked me if this was a ZIP code and if she was just that out of it. I immediately grabbed a calculator and tried to see if I could make a word out of it upside down. It spells... LELLEB. So I am guessing not. WTF is this?)

move with me to NJ and then to Mexico!
attractive white male in new jersey seeking a slender white female aged 21-? to relocate with send a pic and lets talk
(Dawna: does this scream human trafficking or what?)

19 yrs old, single and tired of it – 19
(from all of us thirtysomething (or more) women out there, let me just say…. FFFFFFFFUCKOFF.)

WHERE ARE ALL THE LITERARY PERVERTS?
ALL THE NINS AND MILLERS AND ALL THE REST, ARE THEY ALL AT REST?
I AM WET AND HAVE NO TOWEL.
YOU ARE HOLDING IT AND HAVE NO ONE TO WIPE IT ON.
WE ARE MISSING EACH OTHER IN THE COURSE. OF EVENTS. OUR BUSY LIVES. SO STUPID IN COMPARISON TO DESIRE LEFT UNDONE. LIKE MY ZIPPER WHENEVER I AM ALONE. MY PANTIES SOAK. SO SILLY. NO ONE TO KNOW OR NOTICE. JUST ME. ALONE WITH MY SECRET FANTASY LIFE. TIME LEFT STANDING. ON ITS OWN. BREATHLESS. STUPID. YEARNING FOR NOTHING. AND EVERYTHING. I WANT YOU TO NOTICE THIS AND KNOW THAT IT'S ME. I WANT YOU TO WANT TO TURN ME ON. WITH YOUR MINDS EYE. LET YOUR CORTEX LICK MY CORTEX. FOR GOD/DESS' SAKE.... LET YOUR TREE NYMPH RUN RIOT FREE WITHIN THIS DARK, THROBBING FOREST
(yeah. and with this one, I am ready to return to studying. WHO RAISES THESE PEOPLE?)

I leave you with a few chuckle pictures... take care everyone, and I'll be back soon!

We start with the current state of events here in Wisconsin. This is how I feel. We got like another foot in the last week.

Boy, do I ever has snow.

And here's one for the dudes above....

WOULD YOU PICK A FOOKIN' AGE ALREADY?

Tani again - one more before I return the blog to Matty, who has been doing AWESOME telling youse about the troubles MEN have with female personal ads...
Wish me luck, all!

Heather fired these off at me over a few da